The Allegedly Fake Kidnapping Tale of Denise Huskins Gets Weirder and Weirder

Denise Huskins
Denise Huskins

It’s not big and dramatic, and that’s good, but this alleged ‘hoax’ kidnapping of a physical therapist named Denise Huskins is evolving into one of the weirdest news stories you’ll read. And it was already weird.

Especially after this, from the San Francisco Chronicle, published yesterday:

Over the past several days, a person claiming to be one of Huskins’ kidnappers sent The Chronicle a series of e-mails saying the incident was real, and that if police did not publicly apologize to Huskins and Quinn by noon Tuesday, the abductor would be a “direct agent of harm.”

Then the “kidnapper” (I know sarcastic quotes are a tired blogging trope but it’s early and I can’t think of what else to do with that) decided to back off the threats. In emails sent to attorneys for Huskins and her boyfriend, Aaron Quinn, the sender said they would “not attempt any further damage or harm.” The Chronicle reports the writer went on to say they were rescinding their threats because doing “otherwise would disregard and dishonor the one positive thing we learned from this, that it is not some game and real humans are involved.”

If I wasn’t a middle-aged man who feels stupid using emojis or emoticons, I’d insert some kind of side-eye symbol here.

To go much further would lead to quoting the Chronicle more than I want, but a few things are worth noting: the paper reports one email was 9,000 words long. This is significant because if police really want to unravel this strangeness and have suspects in mind, the person who wrote the correspondence gave them a lot to work with, from a psychological point of view. I’d be surprised if some kind of forensic analysis isn’t being done on several levels with the emails alone. Then there’s this–the Chronicle quotes the “kidnappers” as saying “For what it’s worth, what could have ended up as a prolific and dangerous criminal group has disbanded […] and you have Denise Huskins to thank for that.”

Well. Good to know.

Previously, in my experimental Tumblr crime blog.

Man to try and pass off pet dead hobo as Bigfoot

Screengrab from Seems legit.
Screengrab from Seems legit.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: a man is roaming in the Texas wilds when he straight up shoots a large bipedal hominid in the face (or something). If you said, “Dick Cheney!” you’d be right, but no, this is about self-styled Bigfoot hunter Rick Dyer, who says he’s got a dead Sasquatch on ice and plans to show it to the nation:

Rick Dyer released these photos on Thursday of what he says is proof that the mystical creature does, or at least did exist, before he shot and killed it. The legend chaser told our affiliate station, KSAT, that he shot and killed the creature while camping in a wooded area on the northwest side near Loop 1604 and Highway 151 in early September 2012.

Cool story, Rick, I’m sure it’s just as true as the story told by the guy who exhibited the dead Sasquatch my dad took me to see at 100 Oaks Mall in Nashville in 1978. Dead, iced-up Bigfoots all over the damn place, for decades now, apparently.

One hopes Mr. Dyer put the poor creature on ice. Bigfoots are legendarily stinky, and one that’s been dead longer than a year surely smells worse than a live specimen.

I can’t even bring myself to discuss the hirsute dead hobo possibility, because I don’t want to live in that world. Though I kind of do.